Sunday, January 1, 2017

Confessions of a Christian Control Freak

CHANGE - I love it!  No - wait... I hate it!  Well, I like it when I can control it!  If it's MY idea and I feel good about it and it makes me immediately happy and...and...and that's almost never how it works.

Hello.  My name is Amy and I'm a control freak.    I like change on MY terms.  My ideas, my wants, my perceived needs and at my pace.  HOWEVER, by age 46, I've learned it doesn't always work that way.

Awhile back, there was a popular saying: "Let Go and Let God..."  Wow.  Let go.  Just...let go! 'Cause I can do that!?!  (Sarcasm at it's finest.) Here's a little peek into my head with that!

Me: LET GO?!  But that takes the control out of my hands!
God:  (snickering) HAHA!  That's cute, Amy.  Real cute.
Me:  OH!  Hi, God.  Uh....meaning... I never really had the control to begin with?
God:  Do you actually WANT it?
Me:  I don't know.  I think I do, but then I wonder if I would choose what's best for me or just what I think would be easy, comfortable or fun.
God:  Good thing I always know what's best for you.  For whatever it's worth, I also like making you happy.  Sometimes, though, you have to be patient and wait for what will make you truly happy.
Me:  Patient?  Me!  Now it's MY turn to chuckle.  See, I'm not so good at waiting.  Not one of my God given -- er... know...
God:  But I'm giving you lots of opportunities to trust Me and to wait on My timing.
Me:  Gee thanks.  Oh, sorry - guess sarcasm with God isn't very reverent.
God:  Eh, it's ok.  You're being honest with me and I like when we talk.
Me: Well, I SAY that I want to learn to wait and trust you, but sometimes, I don't really mean it.  I just want all the answers right now and to have you wrap things up in a big fat bow and I can sit back and smile.
God:  I don't really do "big fat bows."
Me:  I don't know - that parting of the Red Sea thing was pretty close.
God:  Yeah, but they had to wait a long time to get to that moment.
Me:  Good point.  Good point.  But, change can be scary.  What if I don't like the new change?
God:  Well, then you learn to adjust and then something will change again and maybe you'll like that better.  The good news is, you're NEVER alone and I am always in your corner working FOR you, never against you.  I have sent that message through a lot of people, including My Son, to let you know that, "I've got this!"
Me:  You mean like.. Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
God:  Sure!  That's a good one.  And how about  "Cast all your anxiety on Him" (that's Me, remember) "because He cares for you!"  And I do!  More than you can grasp - I love you!
Me:  I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that you are the ONLY one who's seen and been a part of every second of every moment of my life with me.  That's pretty cool.  I love you, God.
God:  Now...I'm not done with you yet.  We've got more to do....
Me:  Could I just have control over a couple of minor things --
God:  -- AMY!
Me:  Yes, Lord.  Sorry.

While there are some weirdos out there who LOVE change of all kinds (and I still love you odd people with the love of Christ), most of us only want things to change if it's OUR WAY and we feel like WE are in charge, a very popular illusion for people like me.  It's taken me a long time to accept that while I CAN control the way I react to the changes in my life, I cannot prevent change or even control events that happen, but I can trust in a MIGHTY God who is with me every single step of the way.  Every day, every breath, every decision.  He is there and He is in control.

So, I suppose I should change my tag line.   My name is Amy and I'm a recovering control freak.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for being with me every step of the way.
Thank you for loving me in spite of my crazy attempts to be 
in control of things I can't control.  I do trust you, God, and 
want to lean on You in everything I do.  I will continue to
try and follow You and Your timing and remember that 
You are the Lord of my life and be reassured in that promise.

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Permission to use any portion
of this blog should be obtained 
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