People Pleasers of the World UNITE!!! ... if you want to, that is... if not, I'm sorry... do what YOU feel is best......

I'm a recovering People Pleaser.  Or, at least I'm trying to be.

I think I've spent the majority of my life trying to make others happy - which would be ok if it were some altruistic goal about loving others.  It's not.  It's about THEM being pleased WITH ME.  For some strange reason, I have fought the urge to put my own self worth into the eyes of other HUMAN BEINGS for years.

And I know I'm not alone.  Right?  Others of you out there think through your outfits before you go out, wondering who you'll see and whether THEY'LL think it's cute?  Ever bought something because "so and so" would like this - not even sure if YOU like it?  Or worse, ever made choices based on what others do or have done that might not be the best for you?

The biggest one that I fight is allowing others' opinions of me as a person, mother, wife, woman and -in my world - a performer, to shape my opinions of myself.  I don't like that I do that...but it's somehow a weird addiction for which there's no 12 step program.

I'm currently in a show and today, a review of the show came out.  The reviewer started off by admitting she didn't like the original tv show on which it's based and wasn't a fan of the script itself.  (Hello, 8 Ball!  May I stand behind you?)   While she DID LOVE some of the people in it - and I truly am SO happy for them - she was NOT fond of me.  She didn't bash me, question my parentage, suggest I be excommunicated or anything terrible - but she wasn't fond of my choices as a performer.

She did go on to say a few lukewarm compliments about my voice and dancing, but in general, she was not rushing out to establish the "Amy Parsons Fan Club."  Now, for those of you with the same affliction as me, you know exactly what I did!  Completely skipped over the tiny compliment and proceeded to DWELL ON THE NEGATIVE!  I put on that badge of shame like a rookie sheriff on his first ride-along!

I am sitting here questioning whether I ever "Hassled the Hoff" and feeling guilty if I did as I feel like we're kindred spirits.  Am I the musical theater female equivalent to The Emoji Movie?!  Have I become the unpopped kernel in the popcorn bucket of the theater world?!  (One more, folks...this is fun)... Will I forever be known by this review the way some know Janet Jackson by her Superbowl nipple reveal instead of the incredibly artistic "Nasty Boys" video?!    (Not me, Janet!)

The answer is "no."

We are NOT measured by one performance in a show, one action in a heated moment, one person's  opinion of our outfit and a myriad of other external factors.  I'll take it further and stress that we SHOULD NOT be measured by our financial status, our race, our gender, our sexual orientation or even what religion we practice or whether we do.

Our measurements of ourselves are based on just that: Ourselves.  How do you treat others?  Are you kind, respectful, encouraging and supportive?  Do you build people up or tear people down?  These are the ACTUAL important things in life.

So why oh why do we People Pleasers lose sight of that concept day in and day out?  Yes, I spent two years in therapy wrestling with this topic.  Yes, I spent years as a closet co-dependent.  YES - I've gotten MUCH BETTER through the years!  (Isn't THAT scary?!  This is "improved Amy" admitting to her pleasing needs...imagine me before! HA!)

I would venture to say that many of us in the performing arts are people pleasers.  Applause=affirmation.  We just forget that LACK of applause does NOT equal rejection, a reason to self deprecate and something inherently wrong with outselves!

SURE - If you don't like something about yourself, change it.  But if others don't like something, well lah-dee-freaking-da!  (WARNING:  This is a perfect example of an "easier said than done" comment.  Good luck!)

So - here it is, folks.

I've had a great time working on the show I'm doing.  I lost 20 lbs in 8 weeks with the show as an inspiration. I've met and gotten to know quite a few wonderful people and grown very close to one or two.  I've had an opportunity to sing, dance and act that I haven't had in several years and it has been a BLAST.  So I disappointed someone who didn't like my character before I even walked out on the stage. Oh well, MOVING ON!

People Pleasers like me:  Let's unite and yell out a collective, "Kiss My Grits!" to the world who doesn't like something about us.  For those for whom we MIGHT not match up, let's quote "Friends" and say "Va fa Napoli!" to it all.

More importantly, let's focus on the fact that we are made perfect in God's image and not let humans take anything from that - ever.  We can't please everyone - no matter how hard we try!

We are enough.

Now - if I can only get myself to BELIEVE everything I just wrote.  ;-)

@


"I thought that Victor Hugo's Epic Novel could not get any more boring...alas, I was wrong."    - London Times original review of Les Mis which has now been performed in 44 countries in 22 different languages over 32 years.

Copyright 2017

Permission to use any portion

of this blog should be obtained 

from the author. 

That Costs HOW MUCH?!?!

So, as the title of the blog suggests, my mind is very random and this blog follows that same kind of concept.

One day, I might want to VENT TO THE WORLD about my frustrations about bullying.  One day, I may feel led to share a devotional or some aspect of my faith that is challenged or growing.  Sometimes, it's just random funny events that happen to me or strange musings.

Today is a strange musing.  

My husband just told me that he needs two new tires.  Great.  I just purchased two new tires for MY car 2 weeks ago.  In addition to a big, unanticipated plumbing bill.  Whee.

There are a LOT of un-fun ways to spend money in this world of ours.  I decided to do a short advice column for newlyweds, high school and college graduates and anyone else who wants to partake of my wisdom learned over the past 40+ years.  (Or 30+.  Let's be realistic - I learned nothing as a teenager!)

Hear Ye!  Hear Ye!  New money spenders of the world, take heed.  When you think you have a little extra money to take that trip to the Bahamas....if you think you can go ahead and get those cute Manolo Blahniks....before you upgrade to that smart tv - BE WARNED!  You can't!

Something always presents itself in life.  Welcome to adulthood - it ain't always what it's cracked up to be, Toots!  You must save money, tuck back some money, then save again.  Your grandma was RIGHT!  Dave Ramsey was RIGHT!  We aim for a chicken in every pot, but there's no guarantee of a Benjamin in every wallet!

I present these wise and learned (pronounced "lern-ehd" so you sound very learn-ed) concepts in the form of a Top Ten list.  Read, learn and enjoy the:

Top Ten Crappy Ways to Spend Money 

For Which you Must Budget as an Adult 

(I'm working on a shorter title, but this one is very helpful and clear.)

Coming in at..

#10 - Automobile Repairs.  Oh, it's fun to have your own car.  To don your Ray-bans and crank up some Fall Out Boy on a nice spring day - don't you look cool!!?!  Until the fan belt needs replacing, the brake pads are wearing thin or - even worse - you hit a parked car!  (Not that I know this from personal experience, of course...moving on!...).

#9 - Plumbing and home repairs - Ah the aforementioned plumbing bill was a lovely $366.  I could have taken a weekend retreat to a wine tasting festival.  I could have taken the whole family to Six Flags - and purchased food and drinks (or at least one soda).  I could have gotten a new summer wardrobe!  Nope - I got two new hoses under the bathroom sinks.  With knobs!  Wow.

#8 - Toilet Paper.  Ok, this one is actually my hubby's addition to the list.  I think to expound, he means all the boring necessities that you don't really enjoy buying.  Or he saw the title of the list and made a funny.

#7 - Birthday presents - Ok, I'm speaking specifically to the parents of kids now.  Boy, we never budgeted for how many presents we had to buy for our kids to go to OTHER kids' parties!  Oh, we LOVE our friends' kids and yes, my daughter gets to roller skate for free and go home with a plastic cup of candy and choking hazard toys, but after awhile the presents add up and you need a second mortgage to get through the elementary party years.

#6 - Insurance - I must refrain from commenting on this one as I've committed to keep this blog clean and free of foul language always.  But don't underestimate the pain of this one.

#5 - Tree Trimming - Yep.  Tree trimming.  We had to have someone come out and work on our big tree.  UN-FUN MONEY SPENT.  The tree is still there and while I'm glad it's now healthy, I would've loved taking 25 of my closest friends out to dinner on that dime!

#4 - School Supplies - There is no frustration known to man (or possibly, more often, woman) like hunting for the #12, 3 inch, blue plastic binder with the extra pocket and brass brads turned sideways with the elastic fastener - but only a Meade brand one will do.  Just let me hit Dollar Tree and buy some watered down glue and "Kra-ola" brand crayons and be done with it!

#3 - New fencing and fence posts - Another one for the homeowner. Do I even need to expound on this? BOR-ING!

#2 - The Dentist - Anyone who knows me KNOWS this had to be near the top.  While I LOVE my dentist and her staff as human beings, I am not fond of ANYTHING being done to my teeth.  In my mind's eye, I'm chained to a chair, given sunglasses and a bib to disorient me from noticing them getting out the machetes and Bowie knives and then told to rinse and spit while they bill me double for the bib.

#1 - Income Tax - If you're one of the lucky people who somehow manage to get a REFUND, then lovely - put a sock in it!  But the rest of the normal, honest, civilized world who can't find any loopholes has to cough up fundage every April 15th.
      Amy's political sidenote:  To be clear, I LOVE my country and truly don't mind doing my part to fund roads, 911, libraries and would happily pay MORE if it could be earmarked for the salaries of firefighters, teachers, etc.  (The fact that I am married to a teacher is in NO WAY coincidental!)  I just don't want to pay for a new painting in a senator's office and kind of think that if the federal government was as frugal as I am at the grocery store, we could cut back taxes a lot!
And there's as political as I get online folks.

So there it is, young padawans.  Read...and learn.

You may see the horizon of the future as a smorgasbord of fun!  Restaurants, boutiques, sporting goods galore!!!  But, alas.  The reality needs to settle in.  Before you can buy that cute new fishing boat, fate will have 15 crappy ways to take your money first.

Beware and be warned!

If you enjoyed this blog, please send $5 to - Amy's Trip to the Bahamas.  (Or my daughter's wisdom teeth removal.  Whichever comes first.)   I accept Paypal.

Amy

Confessions of a Christian Control Freak

CHANGE - I love it!  No - wait... I hate it!  Well, I like it when I can control it!  If it's MY idea and I feel good about it and it makes me immediately happy and...and...and that's almost never how it works.

Hello.  My name is Amy and I'm a control freak.    I like change on MY terms.  My ideas, my wants, my perceived needs and at my pace.  HOWEVER, by age 46, I've learned it doesn't always work that way.

Awhile back, there was a popular saying: "Let Go and Let God..."  Wow.  Let go.  Just...let go! 'Cause I can do that!?!  (Sarcasm at it's finest.) Here's a little peek into my head with that!

Me: LET GO?!  But that takes the control out of my hands!
God:  (snickering) HAHA!  That's cute, Amy.  Real cute.
Me:  OH!  Hi, God.  Uh....meaning... I never really had the control to begin with?
God:  Do you actually WANT it?
Me:  I don't know.  I think I do, but then I wonder if I would choose what's best for me or just what I think would be easy, comfortable or fun.
God:  Good thing I always know what's best for you.  For whatever it's worth, I also like making you happy.  Sometimes, though, you have to be patient and wait for what will make you truly happy.
Me:  Patient?  Me!  Now it's MY turn to chuckle.  See, I'm not so good at waiting.  Not one of my God given -- er... well...you know...
God:  But I'm giving you lots of opportunities to trust Me and to wait on My timing.
Me:  Gee thanks.  Oh, sorry - guess sarcasm with God isn't very reverent.
God:  Eh, it's ok.  You're being honest with me and I like when we talk.
Me: Well, I SAY that I want to learn to wait and trust you, but sometimes, I don't really mean it.  I just want all the answers right now and to have you wrap things up in a big fat bow and I can sit back and smile.
God:  I don't really do "big fat bows."
Me:  I don't know - that parting of the Red Sea thing was pretty close.
God:  Yeah, but they had to wait a long time to get to that moment.
Me:  Good point.  Good point.  But, change can be scary.  What if I don't like the new change?
God:  Well, then you learn to adjust and then something will change again and maybe you'll like that better.  The good news is, you're NEVER alone and I am always in your corner working FOR you, never against you.  I have sent that message through a lot of people, including My Son, to let you know that, "I've got this!"
Me:  You mean like.. Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
God:  Sure!  That's a good one.  And how about  "Cast all your anxiety on Him" (that's Me, remember) "because He cares for you!"  And I do!  More than you can grasp - I love you!
Me:  I sometimes have to stop and remind myself that you are the ONLY one who's seen and been a part of every second of every moment of my life with me.  That's pretty cool.  I love you, God.
God:  Now...I'm not done with you yet.  We've got more to do....
Me:  Could I just have control over a couple of minor things --
God:  -- AMY!
Me:  Yes, Lord.  Sorry.

While there are some weirdos out there who LOVE change of all kinds (and I still love you odd people with the love of Christ), most of us only want things to change if it's OUR WAY and we feel like WE are in charge, a very popular illusion for people like me.  It's taken me a long time to accept that while I CAN control the way I react to the changes in my life, I cannot prevent change or even control events that happen, but I can trust in a MIGHTY God who is with me every single step of the way.  Every day, every breath, every decision.  He is there and He is in control.

So, I suppose I should change my tag line.   My name is Amy and I'm a recovering control freak.


Dear Lord,
Thank you for being with me every step of the way.
Thank you for loving me in spite of my crazy attempts to be 
in control of things I can't control.  I do trust you, God, and 
want to lean on You in everything I do.  I will continue to
try and follow You and Your timing and remember that 
You are the Lord of my life and be reassured in that promise.
Amen

Copyright 2016

Permission to use any portion

of this blog should be obtained 

from the author.