Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Thanks for the Blue, But There's More You Can Do! (Oooh, that RHYMES! How's that, Dr. Seuss?)

It's another "Light the Night Blue" day tomorrow as people wear blue and put out blue light bulbs recognizing Autism, now collectively referred to as Autism Spectrum Disorders or "ASDs."  This covers a WIDE variety of learning/behavior challenges from what was just thought of as "autism" to others formerly called Asperger's, Rhett's Syndrome and PDD-NOS as well.

As someone on that interesting train ride of life, thanks for the blue.  BUT - if you really want to feel connected, supportive and make a difference - LISTEN UP!  I've got a few more suggestions for ya' coming straight from a mother's heart.

I decided that every great writer (not that I am at all in the same ranks as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Agatha Christie, or "Pepa" of Salt-N-Pepa - Yes.... she has a book out. Sigh) uses fun acronyms.   Acronyms are kitchy, catchy and well, annoying sometimes....but I'm doing it anyway.  Here goes.

LTTR  
(pronounced like "letter," or "elter"or...maybe "elletter" or WHATEVER!  Just remember it.)

LEARN - It bothers me when people assume things about my child based on her learning challenges.  A person cannot ASSUME something about a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder any more than you can ASSUME something about a child who's left-handed.  While there are some similar characteristics, learning patterns, physical behaviors or speech patterns, you can't assume that ANY child exhibits a particular one.  Leave the guesswork up to the "Guess Your Weight" guy at the carnival.  The end result of guessing can be just as awkward.  You want to know something, just ask.

TEACH - Teach your children that it's OK to be different.  What a BORING world this would be if we all looked, talked, walked, thought, sang, danced, smiled (you get my point) the same!  Embrace individuality, differences and even quirkiness and teach your kids to do the same.  Teach them to seek friends based on their loyalty, kindness and how they are as a friend.  Let them know that all kids don't look or act like someone on the Disney channel and that's ok.  Encourage them to make friends with someone DIFFERENT than them and to go out of their way to be compassionate towards someone who seems to need it.  And for heaven's sake, teach them that the only time to use the word "retarded" or even worse, "REtard" is when they're referring to a musical piece that is slowing down!  AND THAT'S not even spelled the same!  

THINK - Please, please, please - THINK before you speak!  We don't need you to refer to our children as slow, challenged, or mentally retarded.  We're all slow and challenged in SOME area of life.  As a dance teacher, I promise not to refer to YOU as "slow" if you can't do a double pirouette if you promise not to refer to my child as "slow" for needing extra help with math or not being able to ride a bike.  

I would go so far as to say that we don't need you to refer to our children as "autistic."  I remember while earning my Rehabilitation degree at UNT, my professors NEVER allowed us to use the adjective form of any disability.  I'd fail if I ever referred to a child as an "autistic child."  It was always the 'person first, disability second' such as "child with autism."  I thought it a bit picky at the time, but I GET IT NOW! 

If your child wears glasses or contacts, do you want me constantly referring to him or her as "your nearsighted child?"  The visual challenge is ONLY ONE PART of who your child is, so why focus on the challenge?   My child is not identified by her learning patterns and challenges.  She's identified by her given name at birth, her beautiful gentle spirit, her kindness, her generosity and sensitivity to those in need.  You want to refer to my child with an adjective or a characteristic - pick one of those!

RELAX - Just relax.  Treat my child like any other.  Encourage your children to treat her like any other.  Invite her to your birthday party and don't worry if she doesn't look as ecstatic at the party game or the favor as other kids.  I'm trying, like most parents, to teach her to be polite and thankful, but she may not exhibit the same emotions as your expectations.  Please allow that.  Encourage your kids to include her in group activities and be ok with it if she chooses to go her own way.

AND "RELAX" IS ALSO TO THOSE PARENTS NEWLY FINDING THEMSELVES IN MY BOAT!  It's ok.  Your child's new diagnosis is NOT a "label" of who he or she is.  It's only a description of a behavior/learning pattern to better guide teachers, therapists, counelors and YOU to help your child grow up meeting his or her full potential. We all want our kids to be the best that they can beDon't become so hyper-focused on a diagnosis (or even worse, the refusal to seek one) that you stand in the way of your child's success.  Allow them to flourish and thrive with trained, educated specialists who have found great ways to help children with similar learning challenges to do just that.  PLEASE relax and don't be a stumbling block to your child's potential.

Well...I think I've crossed from "food for thought" into "buffet of information," but I hope this gives you a peek into the thoughts of someone who will be wearing blue in honor of her kid. 

Please don't put out a blue light bulb because of pity.

Please don't wear a blue shirt for "poor little us."

Light the night blue in celebration of acceptance, patience, individuality, compassion and understanding.


Don't those words sound so much better?

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