It's another "Light the Night Blue" day tomorrow as
people wear blue and put out blue light bulbs recognizing Autism, now collectively
referred to as Autism Spectrum Disorders or "ASDs." This covers a WIDE variety of learning/behavior challenges from what was just thought of as "autism" to others formerly
called Asperger's, Rhett's Syndrome and PDD-NOS as well.
As someone on that interesting train ride of life, thanks
for the blue. BUT - if you really want
to feel connected, supportive and make a difference - LISTEN UP! I've got a few more suggestions for ya'
coming straight from a mother's heart.
I decided that every great writer (not that I am at all in
the same ranks as F. Scott Fitzgerald, Agatha Christie, or "Pepa" of
Salt-N-Pepa - Yes.... she has a book out. Sigh) uses fun acronyms. Acronyms are kitchy, catchy and well,
annoying sometimes....but I'm doing it anyway.
Here goes.
LTTR
(pronounced like "letter," or
"elter"or...maybe "elletter" or WHATEVER! Just remember it.)
LEARN - It
bothers me when people assume things about my child based on her learning
challenges. A person cannot ASSUME
something about a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder any more than you can
ASSUME something about a child who's left-handed. While there are some similar characteristics,
learning patterns, physical behaviors or speech patterns, you can't assume that
ANY child exhibits a particular one.
Leave the guesswork up to the "Guess Your Weight" guy at the
carnival. The end result of guessing can
be just as awkward. You want to know
something, just ask.
TEACH - Teach
your children that it's OK to be different.
What a BORING world this would be if we all looked, talked, walked, thought,
sang, danced, smiled (you get my point) the same! Embrace individuality, differences and even quirkiness and
teach your kids to do the same. Teach
them to seek friends based on their loyalty, kindness and how they are as a
friend. Let them know that all kids
don't look or act like someone on the Disney channel and that's ok. Encourage them to make friends with someone
DIFFERENT than them and to go out of their way to be compassionate towards
someone who seems to need it. And for heaven's sake, teach them that the only time to use the word "retarded" or even worse, "REtard" is when they're referring to a musical piece that is slowing down! AND THAT'S not even spelled the same!
THINK - Please,
please, please - THINK before you speak!
We don't need you to refer to our children as slow, challenged, or
mentally retarded. We're all slow and
challenged in SOME area of life. As a
dance teacher, I promise not to refer to YOU as "slow" if you can't
do a double pirouette if you promise not to refer to my child as
"slow" for needing extra help with math or not being able to ride a bike.
I would go so far as to say that we don't
need you to refer to our children as "autistic." I remember while earning my Rehabilitation
degree at UNT, my professors NEVER allowed us to use the adjective form of any
disability. I'd fail if I ever referred
to a child as an "autistic child."
It was always the 'person first, disability second' such as "child
with autism." I thought it a bit picky
at the time, but I GET IT NOW!
If your child wears glasses or contacts, do you want me
constantly referring to him or her as "your nearsighted child?" The visual challenge is ONLY ONE PART of who
your child is, so why focus on the challenge?
My child is not identified by her
learning patterns and challenges. She's
identified by her given name at birth, her beautiful gentle spirit, her
kindness, her generosity and sensitivity to those in need. You want to refer to my child with an
adjective or a characteristic - pick one of those!
RELAX - Just relax. Treat my child like any
other. Encourage your children to treat
her like any other. Invite her to your
birthday party and don't worry if she doesn't look as ecstatic at the party
game or the favor as other kids. I'm
trying, like most parents, to teach her to be polite and thankful, but she may not exhibit the same
emotions as your expectations. Please
allow that. Encourage your kids to
include her in group activities and be ok with it if she chooses to go her own
way.
AND "RELAX" IS ALSO TO THOSE PARENTS NEWLY FINDING
THEMSELVES IN MY BOAT! It's ok. Your child's new diagnosis is NOT a
"label" of who he or she is.
It's only a description of a behavior/learning pattern to better guide
teachers, therapists, counelors and YOU to help your child grow up meeting his
or her full potential. We all want our kids to be the best that they can be. Don't become so hyper-focused on a diagnosis
(or even worse, the refusal to seek one) that you stand in the way of your
child's success. Allow them to
flourish and thrive with trained, educated specialists who have found great
ways to help children with similar learning challenges to do just that. PLEASE relax and don't be a stumbling block
to your child's potential.
Well...I think I've crossed from "food for
thought" into "buffet of information," but I hope this gives you
a peek into the thoughts of someone who will be wearing blue in honor of her
kid.
Please don't put out a blue light bulb because of pity.
Please don't wear a blue shirt for "poor little
us."
Light the night blue in celebration of acceptance, patience,
individuality, compassion and understanding.
Don't those words sound so much better?
@
Copyright 2015
Permission to use any portion
of this blog should be obtained
from the author.
