It hurt.
It hurt to
hear the insults and the laughter, knowing that it was the “cool” girls
laughing at me. Although it was only two
girls, it might as well have been a nation, for when you are in the 6th
grade, that’s what it feels like. I will
even tell you the superficial reason I was teased….at the end of this. I must get you to read this SOMEHOW!
It got
better. I found people in junior high
and high school that had similar interests and kinder hearts and eventually
felt not only accepted, but POPULAR and well liked in the groups I chose.
Today’s kids,
however, face new levels and avenues of bullying that a child of the 80’s didn’t
experience. Bullies in my day were at
least direct. They HAD to be. There was no possibility of anonymity like
cyber-bullying, text-bullying and other ugliness that our kids face today, but the basic core remains the same: A bully is a bully and when someone has so
little disregard for another’s feelings, it doesn’t matter the method. It hurts.
Why do
bullies bully? I ask myself this all the
time! I can’t grasp why one human being
would take pleasure in another human being’s sadness, pain and
unhappiness. Any psych 101 student will
tell you that a person who puts others down is doing so to lift himself or
herself up, to build up their own personal self esteem. Great.
That makes it all “normal” and “understandable,” then? No.
We all like
to feel good about ourselves, confident, attractive, etc, but not everyone chooses
to raise their own esteem by hurting someone else. Not everyone needs to hear people laughing
at another person to assuage their fear of the laughter being directed at
themselves.
Why then some
and not others?
It’s easy to
point fingers at the parents. It’s easy
to say “YOU did this to your child,” and quite often that may be the case. Parents who bully, even on a more subtle
level, may very well raise a child that bullies, as our values and regards for
the human condition are taught, beginning at an early age. But, I propose that it is a MUCH bigger
picture. The subtleties that our society
is demonstrating to our nation’s youth are NOT being missed.
Why are we asking
kids not to bully each other, when we are taking secret pictures of other
people at Walmart and putting them on a website to encourage others to laugh at
them, too?
How can we
expect our youth of today to grasp that human value is not measured by the
clothes you wear when we are shelling out hundreds or thousands for designer purses
or shoes?
Why do we
think we can get our teenagers to recognize and respect artistic and musical talents
when we focus only on the football game and then stand up
in front of others and chat during the marching band’s performance?
Why do we
think we encourage young girls to look within and feel equal, while continuing to give crowns
to people because they are society’s idea of the most beautiful? And why is that beauty defined, so often, by
pictures that have been photoshopped and are not even “real?”
Why do we
tell our kids not to use mean words with others at school, only to turn around and
call another driver “retarded” or “stupid” or even some expletive in front of
our children?
Why, when
others don’t agree with us politically or spiritually, do we resort to name
calling and ugliness, thus teaching our kids that only people 100% like minded
to us deserve respect?
I propose
that we will continue to have this national disease called bullying until we,
as a nation, begin to teach our children AND OTHER ADULTS by example, not just
using the magic words about respect and human value. Our culture MUST learn to recognize and
appreciate human value as just that:
value. Every individual has worth
and importance.
We MUST begin
to understand that we are all made EQUALLY
DIFFERENT. A person with a tiny
waistline or perfect skin has NO MORE VALUE than a person with a broader waist or
acne. A person who has a GPA of 5.0 has
NO MORE VALUE than a person who struggles to pass math class. A
person who earns a medical degree has NO MORE VALUE than a person who works at
a fast food restaurant.
Our world
says it’s an incredible honor to get to meet your state senator but doesn’t see
the honor in meeting the mail carrier who comes to your house every day. Why do
we STILL continue to measure a person’s worth by such ridiculous
standards? We MUST begin to redefine success for adults
as well as children, to help them understand human value.
In the book
of First Corinthians, Paul talks about the body of Christ, using an analogy of
the human body. He is preaching to the
idea that we ALL have different gifts, and together make up one body.
… If they were all one
part, where would the body be? As
it is,
there
are many parts, but one body. 1
Corinthians:19-20
We are all different parts of one body. We must all learn to appreciate the variety
of human appearance, talents, interests and personalities the way God created
us.
Uniformity and sameness should not be goals, but instead a cue that
we need to encourage our youth to seek out their own strengths and gifts. We are all children of God, created in HIS
beauty and image, and we all are different.
Praise God! What a boring world
this would be if we were all the same!
I was absolutely floored by the recent
story of Shea Shawhan and the deplorable experience she had as the victim of
bullying. She received numerous texts
with the most hateful phrases and speech that I’ve ever heard. The anonymous texters called her names and told
her she was ugly, that she was not welcome at school, and that she should kill
herself – among other horrible things. I
am a friend on Facebook of her “I’m With Shea” page and have followed her response
to these bullies. I am AMAZED by the
strength and grace this beautiful child of God, has shown.
It inspires me to see people “standing”
with Shea and encouraging her. There is
hope for us yet, shown in the responses of so many defending her and trying to
build her back up where others attemped to tear her down……. but, there are also
those bullying the bullies.
Although I can’t STAND to think of what I
would feel towards someone who was that hateful toward either of my children,
does it make it right for us to call those responsible for her pain the same
ugly names they uttered, or are we just teaching our children that SOME people ARE
worthy of hatred and bullying? It’s ok
to choose your victim and as long as they have hurt someone else, we can be as
ugly to them as we want, thus continuing this cycle of hate?
The divine guy that I try every day to
emulate says “no.” Jesus showed such
incredible love for ALL people – sinners alike – and we are called to treat
EVERYONE with that same kind of love and grace.
He showed this love and compassion towards criminals, adulterers, liars –
anyone who crossed His path. Our challenge is to TRY to do the same. Although we will all, as I so often do, fall short, thanks be to God, we have His continuing grace giving us
another chance.
So…. what was it that the bullying girls
had over me? What did they decide was
lacking in me that made me so much less worthy of respect and kindness than
someone else?
My hair.
My hair was the target of their ugliness. The taunting did develop into a few other
topics – my glasses or the fact that my pants seemed short, but the one I
remember the most was that these girls thought they were better than me…...because
of their hair.
Their teasing and ugly words that rung in
my ears for a very long time and on rare occasion, still seem to be embedded in
my vulnerable moments…..were about hair.
The next time you are tempted to join in
the laughter at another’s weakness, to look negatively at someone for their job
or where they shop, or decide you might be a little prettier, smarter or more
valuable than someone else.….remember that we are definitely different! – But equal. And God loves the next guy the same as He
loves you.
Then, and only then, you can teach your
children the same lesson.
@
“Knowing what's right doesn't mean much
unless you do what's right.”
Copyright 2013
Permission to use any portion
of this blog should be obtained
from the author.
